There are moments in your life which you always want to hold onto. Moments, so special, they seem to define in a single instant all the joy that is there in your life. Times, at which when you look back, they seem to be posters of your favorite classic movie. And a song to associate with them. Memories so beautiful, your heart aches.

Mundane activities gain special meaning just because it was shared by someone close to you. The most ordinary seems extraordinary just because you know someone had felt the same way about it. You feel good to be alive. The air around you seems so fresh, you overbreathe. Life, at times, does seem beautiful even with all its imperfections. Or maybe, the imperfections make it seem more beautiful. Such an irony. You live for the future but the past, your memories, gives your life all its meaning.

Misery has no face
In her sorrows she’s hidden away
The life that teemed a seemly grace
Did bid away her living days
Misery has no choice
In defying joy she dishonors God
And falls from heaven’s lofty perch
To flow in the river of thoughtless indecision.

Weaving, weaving, forever weaving
A tapestry of lost grace.


My Misery. The darling who taught me to live, to survive, to breathe. The angel, my company for four years. And now she is backing away. The end of a bittersweet relationship. The ones where the parties involved invariably get back for a reunion. I'll welcome her, for she taught me to live, to survive, to breathe. For she is my God.

The Great Gig in the Sky

A lady in a white dress floating like a silk ribbon in an infinite silver-white gray-black sky, stretching across its vastness, holding onto nothing. A man in black shades standing in an ashened earth, looking at the sky, at the ribbon, the lady. This is the image I get every time I hear TGGITS. Effigies of anxiousness, of loneliness, of hurt and of all that I set to achieve and I could not, of death keep flashing before me like nasty ogres.
It’s like seeing your own dead self. How would it feel? To see yourselves dying. Lonely, underachieved, holding onto life, which is past you. Chilling. The lady is me. And the man is me too. Right now, I am afraid to face death and so I can’t face life. Explains why he is wearing black shades.

It's not been a long time since I last visited blogger. I visited it yesterday. My blogpage. She was just there, sitting pretty, my black beauty, untouched, still holding her cherry intact except for one small instance of violation at the top. Her stats have changed little over time, except for small changes here and there in her profile. "You can see me, but you can't touch" - that's what she seems to scream with every pore of her black skin. So people come , see her in profile, take a peek, sometimes do a boo and run. Just run!
But to the ones who choose to stay back, to suffer, oh, how different she is. A perfect host. Does the welcome, white smiles all around. Smiles which throw away a whole lot of her, or so it seems. Fastidious to some, dapper to some and ugly to some. She accepts all in her vanity, unawares to what the world thinks. "Stay on", she says, "and you might as well have a good time. But hey, thats no guarantee - you can go deeper, discover me and I know you will not touch me - I suck , and you can leave if you want. Theres a lot of doors there in the right. You can choose any and I hope you had a good stay."
Slut in the mind, chaste otherwise. My da'ling, neglected blog!

A familiar cry of the engine. Road lay down itself for you like a slave, like a whore. Use and They shall abuse. Trees pass by like strokes of a painter’s brush. Faceless beings like specks of dirt on a white canvas. The shadow of you on a thick cloud of exhaust breathed out from your latest pursuit. Forth ho, before you are lost.

A crooked scooter waiting for his master. A murdered [1] truck, his master lost. Many beads of red on its face. Free and happy and dead. Woman riding the pillion. Hip drawn back, chest ahead. Cheek resting on a cushion. Rider resting on a softer one. Cog up, move ahead. What you see is what you don’t get.

A proud dog barks. A prouder one sleeps, in a pool of sauce. Liver out, eyes in. Red, hot bitch. Highway to another (spell-check: a nether) world.


[1]: Murdered by whom, one might ask. Mr. McFate of course, who else?

Your only defence against your own people is sleep. A long, long, long sleep.

I stood at the balcony sipping a cup of coffee , looking at a child playing with her plastic football. The unfinished concrete floor she was trotting on barely seemed to bite her naked feet. Or even if it did, she din't seem to care. Every moment she spent seemed to be moments of unadultered joy, of consummate innocence. One second Time seemed to fly by, another second i looked at her and Time seemed to stop by and join me in the audience , to watch something as pure as that. Maybe the floor was watching too and enjoying the touch of her cushy feet and in the indulgence had forgotten it's prick.
Her grandfather was watering the plants in a small garden surrounding the apartment. The gush of water, from whatever space was left between his thumb and the tip of the pipe, seemed to be as welcome for the plants as for the water escaping the pipe. He seemed to establish some sort of connection with the plants through the water, a smile that would'nt leave his face. A smile which suggested contentment at the way life treated him. At the way all the events leading to his retirement lined up to salute him. The smile of an old man content with life can easily be confused with the smile of one prepared for the eventual, I thought. What could possibly defeat such a man? The smile had to be there.
The water trickled down from the leaves to the concrete floor and formed a neat stream. The sun glistened its edges and it moved lazily, sometimes hither sometimes thither, like a man with no particular deadline to meet. It moved, melanizing the floor along its path. And as it moved further, it broke off into two parallel streams. The streams seemed to look longingly at each other like they never wished to be separated. They never imagined that they could even have a separate existence. They had never bothered to make one out from the other. Even the floor seemed to cry for them and the tears seemed to be the streams themselves.
But then something happened. Maybe it was the wind. Maybe a slight slope. Or maybe, just maybe it was their longing. They were no longer parallel. They meandered towards each other.And as they neared, one stream for once showed a sense of urgency. The other reciprocated and the next second they moved along lazily again, as one. Again as two bodies, one soul. A sweet pang in my chest. The nature seemed to smile at the stream. The Sun shined ever so mildly, not wanting to dry them off and the floor did his best by nudging them through a slope as if sending them for a honeymoon.

The mobile made a merry beep. Sameer scuffled over the bed, scrambling for the damn thing. A rude jerk from the indulgence of an early morning dream. The blanket seemed to pamper him and for an instant he thought there would be no place on earth more comfortable than that. With eyes half open, the eyelids playing a tug-of-war with itself, he pressed some random keys on the mobile. The bright light of the mobile hit him on his eyes and for once he hated himselves for buying a nuisance. 4.40 am shouted the device. Which meant he was 10 minutes behind schedule even before he had woken up. He got up, threw the blanket to the other side and walked towards the window. A bird flew across the horizon. He felt as though the sky was a huge screen and someone was projecting the bird’s image from behind. A silhouette. The morning was still in deep slumber. Nothing seemed to disturb it.

Sameer walked across the room to the basin. There he stood looking at the mirror for a few seconds. He had slept at 3 the same morning .The thought of which made him want to slump back to the bed again. A million other thoughts populated his mind in an instant like the products of a fission reaction. None seemed urgent, none was important. His hands seemed to be a mechanical robot, brushing the teeth for him. By the time he had finished, he was awake. He splashed a handful of water on his face and again and allowed it to work its magic on him, the way it does to flowers. He could instantly feel freshness all around him. He left his face undried , allowing the drops of water to do a face massage while it rolled from the forehead , over the eyes along the nose to the chin and below.
He changed to his tracksuits, slipped in the sneakers and was ready for the morning trot. The mobile beeped again, this time a missed ring from Nayan to inform him that he was ready too. They met below the building, smiled a good morning and set off.

They talked as they jogged. The early morning breeze swept gently across their face, over the forehead and the hairline, in an attempt, they thought, which defined their face from the rest of the body. They moved ahead, sometimes in a silent competition. They kept moving, the legs tired but the mind at its briskest best. A realization of how the mind tires one’s body more than any other part and how the mind propels you to keep moving how much ever any other part is tired. A testimony to the power of man’s will power. A thought of a navy diver from the movie “Men of Honor”. You don’t stop until your mind decides to. One’s mind. One’s god. They looked at each other. They exactly knew when the other wanted to stop. Silent conversation.